Yes, We Need Therapy
And then some
I’m at the point where I’m so hot that I feel like I want to cut my hair, but I also feel like it’s too late because now it won’t grow back fast enough for the hot fall we are bound to experience.
Welcome back, and thank you for coming around again! I feel like we’re developing a lovely intimate relationship. I’m still trying to figure out which day of the week will be my posting day. What day do you feel most in a reading mood? Drop the day of the week in the comments. I use this space to touch on thoughts, ideas, stories, and feelings I experience and witness in our society. I probably would have dedicated this week’s post to the ongoing hype of the Barbie movie, but unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on who you ask, I haven’t seen it.
I feel like crying on the inside thinking about the last few times I’ve been to the movies. I am reminded of how annoying it is to watch movies with people. There’s absolutely proper etiquette for watching cinema in public, and sadly I don’t follow it. If you want complete uninterrupted viewing, don’t ask me. I’m constantly looking at my phone. I laugh too loud, and I always ask questions. The last film I watched in public was The Little Mermaid, and my best friend wanted to kick me out of the theater.
I also have heard quite the buzz about Oppenheimer, who only survived on eating an almond per day. This is incorrect. I am spreading miss information, but regardless, that’s what the man who performed the role of the Opp’s man did. Can you imagine! An ALMOND. Per Day? For this reason, and because I don’t find watching a historical movie about a weapon that caused mass devastation for generations, particularly enticing, I decided to use this opportunity to showcase my undying love to my boyfriend by encouraging him to watch Oppenheimer alone at 10am—while I hosted some girlfriends for a cute DIY jewelry-making party. However, before we each enjoyed our time of recreation, we experienced a bit of a calamity in our home.
I want to start this tale by stating this proclamation; couples therapy must be part of your routine if you are in a relationship for six months or more. I’m also looking more specifically at ya’ll who are living together. I have found it to be a valuable asset while you’re moving through the delicious “honeymoon” phase, where everything is still fascinating, and you slowly reveal more of your raw self. I know you’re probably thinking, how in the hey-doodle are you supposed to convince someone you’re still getting to know to join you in an intimate setting? A place where you would learn how to effectively verbalize your thoughts and emotions so it’s creating value rather than trying to test each other to see what works and what doesn’t. You guys! This is the cheat code. Normalizing this approach will save everyone time. I swear!
Let’s think about this together. If we have ever encountered someone from a space where maybe sharing their feelings or expressing themselves wasn’t a norm or not allowed, how could we in this relationship expect the other person to engage in a dialogue with you? So when this idea was introduced to my boyfriend and me of going to therapy together, it seemed silly. We both go to therapy independently, and we don’t see any serious issues that need addressing; yet. When I tell you it saves everyone time, I mean learning each other well enough in a safe environment, not like the stuff you see on TV or in movies, but where you can understand are able and willing to make this work. A terrible thing doesn’t need to occur for improvement to be desired or experienced, and this professional can help sort out areas of congestion in a relationship.
For my partner and me, I noticed that we were raised differently. While that’s not a problem per se, I believe that doing everything possible to understand how we each process different scenarios is vital. For instance, in our first session, we learned there are two different kinds of people in relationships, one who can be defined as the “pursuant” and the other the “distancer.” I need distance. As the tension escalates, or more specifically, when I feel my anxiety rising and I’m left paralyzed. Quite literally unable to speak or move because my brain tells my body we need to shut down before we reach an explosive zone. My partner has to talk it all out until there is some kind of resolution. When I first experienced this with him, before our first session, I thought he was just being an asshole, and it was a trigger for me. From his perspective, he felt I was shutting him down, pushing him out, and not allowing him to voice his opinion or concern.
We’ve grown from that place and have developed effective ways to communicate. Our most recent experience was a case of misunderstanding or a miss perception. I felt what I was doing was a totally normal thing, but it was uncomfortable for him. Rather than me accepting how he felt, I wanted to die on my hill, I was right, and he needed to join me. Naturally, at our next session, we brought it up, and the truth of this scenario is that we were both right to perceive the situation as we did, but I needed to adjust my approach. Of course, that horse pill was tough to swallow, but I’m willing to challenge myself for the betterment of my relationship and also for our future family.
Whew! I’m sleepy. I’ve got to start writing these posts earlier.
If you don’t have access to therapy right now, that’s okay. Some great resources can be accessed through literature. Go to your public library and get books fo free! I recommend a book titled, “Love” by Bell Hooks. It’s a soft and easy read, and we both have enjoyed this as a sweet bonding activity, and it has expanded our perspective and perception.
If you’re into me diving into my Carrie Bradshaw bag, let me know, and I’ll share more about relationships!